Change

I know people change. I know I've changed. Sometimes change is inevitable as you grow.
I know all that.

When I was working, we did a project once for this major oil and gas company. My job at the time was Change Management. They were installing a new system and with that, we need to get their people's buy-in cuz really, no one really likes change. Especially when they're comfortable with what they already have. At that time, we had to do all sorts of stuff to gain buy-in. We need to send out newsletters to inform their staff about how great this new system is and how it would benefit them. Of course in doing that, we don't tell them the negative side of things - for example, they need to multitask (more work - same pay), they would need to be experts in all areas (not just their own area) etc and all this negative stuff.. They would find out later as they get on with the system.

Life is kind of like that too.

I was comfortable with my life despite the bumps here and there. But when you throw me into a new environment (new house), some things need to change and with that, I may need to do a lot of things differently. Perhaps more work, perhaps less sleep, less comfort.

Moving to a new house seems like a nice thing to do. Especially if its ur own house kan? Hubby bought this house before we got married but I was pretty much involved in the whole process. Picking the lot number, choosing the designs etc. So by right, it should make me feel good about moving to my own house but somehow I don't feel that way.

There was no discussion. One minute we were happily living in our apartment and next day "we are moving ASAP" I didn't have time to react. I didn't have time to even swallow everything.

Like everything else in my life (I'm starting to realize) that as a wife, you just need to follow the lead. Is that so?

Before my mum left for umrah, she told me some stuff about being a wife and nasihat me about being one. She observed me of course and ok, she saw some flaws and when she tegur, I listen, took note and plan to improve. She said "don't think! Make it work!" And it was almost telling me "ur feelings aren't important... U just do it! Follow the lead" and I sembahyang and I tell God to calm me down and open my heart to accept this change. I'm not religious, I don't think I'm even close but I'm always trying to be a better Muslim. N alhamdulillah I felt easier to accept my husbands flows. Telan je and just do it!
No time to think about feelings anymore.

What is happening to my marriage? I don't know. All I know is it is changing quite rapidly. I accept that it is partly my fault for maybe being too demanding but he ain't a saint himself.

Over the years we have changed so much. I feel ok most days but sometimes I just can't take this.

Does anyone know any good read or link on what a good wife is? When I read the comments I feel better. So thank you for that. I feel better that I'm not alone and I'm not being crazy. Shit like this do happen. One minute you are happily married and next minute you just cannot stand the other person. That's how I feel my life is. Upside down kan!?

It's true that we can never be that perfect wife because the husband's requirements pun keep changing kan... So better to be ikhlas and do it for Him. Betul tu. It makes perfect sense. I'm going to do that. Or try to do that at least.


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