Tuesday, June 19, 2018

One Chance

I'm back!

It is so hard to find time to blog these days. I miss it a lot. I dont even know nor care if anyone is reading but it is just a good outlet for me to blog. I lost my mojo in blogging but hopefully it is not lost forever.

I was at a dear friend's open house yesterday, the only one we attended this year. Raya somehow is a very low key celebration for us. I wish we would go all out like others with the visiting and what not but somehow, we dont do it. Yesterday's open house was a perfect one for us because:

1. We haven't seen my friend for ages (they live in Sabah and come back to KL only few times a year)
2. Kids got to play together. They seldom see each other but when they do, they're like BFFS.
3. It was a small event, we got to catch up, chat over good food (and cakes!)

Some open houses are too big you can hardly talk or speak to the host as they are busy saying hello to all their guests but yesterday's was perfect. We got to talk for ages, while the kids play together.

One of the things we talked about was, as usual, about Parenting.

No one tells you how hard it is to be a parent. There is no handbook on how to be the best parent. Even if there is, I can tell you that it won't work for all kids. Every child is different and every parents will have different parenting skills. No one can tell you that your way is better than theirs.

I am a mother of 2 children. I have a boy and a girl. I am 1 person and my husband is another. I can honestly tell you that the way I parent my son is different from the way I parent my daughter. I can also tell you the way my husband parent my son is different from the way he parents my daughter. There is no "1 size fits all" when it comes to parenting. And the best part is… WE ONLY GET ONE CHANCE!

When I think about that, it gives me the chills.
What is my one chance is wrong? My child will only be 6 years old ONCE. How do I know that this method is right for them? When I find out that it is wrong, say when they are 16 years old… it will be too late to go back and correct myself. I only have ONE CHANCE at this.

I can feel my heart beating so fast whenever I think about this. Do you?

There's a very fine line between pressuring your child in something and not letting them give up. Piano, for example. Both my children recently started Piano lessons. Both of them dread doing Piano theory homework. Do I keep pushing them to do it? Do I say "Dont have to do it if you dont have any interest in it?" Do I encourage them to do their homework? Or do I pull them out of Piano class just because they would rather spend their Sundays playing their video games and watching Netflix?
You see, there's a fine line right there. As a mother, as a parent…. you do what you think is right, but as a parent, you also dont want to force them to do something they dont like doing. Theres the dilemma right there.

If you ask me what my parenting style is with regards to the above…..

I would force them to do their theory homework. I would push them to attend their piano classes. That's just me. My rational is, 30 minutes of theory and 30 minutes of Piano lessons a WEEK is not "pushing" them. Fine, they might not be the best pianist in the world, they might not even play very well at the end of this but what I hope to instil in them is to NEVER GIVE UP and to be DISCIPLINE. Just like what you do in school. You may not want to learn Geography 3 days a week, but you do, you have to. You may not even understand what the teacher is teaching but you still do the homework, you still participate in class… what you learn is discipline.

I only get ONE CHANCE. I hope I am getting this right.

My husband on the other hand doesn't want to stress the kids out unnecessarily. I totally get this point of view. I dont want to stress my kids out too. But kids need discipline in their lives. If we as parents cannot discipline them, who can and who will? I just dont want them to give up just because they're not good at something. Like everything else, to be able to be good in something takes a lot of practice. I believe they can be good at piano someday. Maybe not like Chopin or Beethoven but good enough to play a few tunes. It all takes time and practice. I just hope they won't give up and keep trying.

Like me, they also only have ONE CHANCE to be a child. I'm trying my hardest to make sure they get a good balance and be the best they can be.

I hope God will give us guidance on how to be the best parents in today's world because it is a different world compared to when I was a kid. I dont remember being stressed out as a kid but these days, there are so many options and so many ways to do things that sometimes, we all get stressed out with so many things available to choose from. I try to do things as simple as possible. I try to go back to how it was for me growing up. Going back to basic, is what I think my approach is. Hopefully I am doing it right.

4 comments:

  1. I seriously get you. Parenting is very hard. Nak sediakan anak-anak untuk kehidupan pun dah cukup berat. Let alone raising them to become tentera Imam Mahadi. Macam tak tercapai pula akal fikiran. Kadang-kadang rasa macam tak tau nak fikir apa. Harap-harapnya apa yang dibuat sekarang nih adalah yang terbaik.

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    1. InsyaAllah. We try to do the best and pray Allah will guide us to the right path.

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  2. Keep it simple. You are doing a great job! Xoxo

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    Replies
    1. I try….. I hope I've been doing it somewhat right!

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