Monday, April 8, 2019

Goodbye Papa

Trying to pen down this is difficult for me. I was thinking about it for a week and still couldn't find the right way to jot this down.

My father in law passed away last week. Innalillahiwainalillahirajiun. Indeed, to Allah we belong and to Allah we shall return. 

It has been a tough week for all of us. Surprisingly, to me too. I've never experienced death of a close family before. I've been blessed to have all the people I love until today. I did not know what to expect when this happened and certainly was not expecting to feel as sad as I am.

I was never close to him. We only saw each other twice a year during raya and rarely meet but no matter what, he is the only father I have. It still hurts like crazy knowing he is not around anymore.

We flew to Kelantan on Thursday to visit him at the hospital. My husband was already there since Tuesday. We never travel by Firefly before because my husband hates the plane but because he was not around, I opted for Firefly. Traveling to KLIA seem too far.

Honestly speaking, I never thought that flying there this time would be the last time we have together with my father in law. I always assumed that he'd get better, just like he always have. He's really strong and a fighter he was. Despite hearing from people that he is critical, I always thought he would fight back.

He passed away on Saturday. He was already unconscious when I arrived and he was in the ICU which restricted our time with him. The kids didn't get to see their grandfather at all despite being there the whole time. I wish they had. I really really wish they had.

After he passed, we brought him to his kampung where he will be laid to rest. It all happened so quickly, which is good but because it was so fast, the kids didn't get to kiss him goodbye for the last time. 

Alfatihah Papa. I'm sorry we didn't get to spend more time together when you were around but rest assured you were always in our prayers and thoughts. 

"O Allah, forgive him and have mercy on him and give him strength and pardon him. Be generous to him and cause his entrance to be wide and wash him with water and snow and hail. Cleanse him of his transgressions as white cloth is cleansed of stains. Give him an abode better than his home, and a family better than his family and a wife better than his wife. Take him into paradise and protect him from the punishment of the grave (and from the punishment of the hellfire)" muslim 2/663

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