Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Snowing in Genting

My daughter's current favourite cartoon on her iPad is Peppa Pig. I must say, it is pretty cute cartoon except that why does it have to be a pig? Ah well, not like she's touching it or anything.

She would watch this almost every time she's on her iPad. And it is always the same few episode. She watches the same episode over and over again that she can pretty much memorize word for word.

This morning, she was watching the episode about snow. She looked out the window and goes...

Daughter: mummy! Look! There's no snow outside our window..
Me: ya, no snow because we don't get any snow in Malaysia. They get snow in London, Switzerland, America ... (Trying to list all the countries)
Daughter: hmmmm... Genting.....(continue from my list)
Me: no lah, there's no snow in Genting!
Daughter: got lah!!! That day we went I saw snow!!!

Hmm.... Ok.. That's true.. It did snow in Genting. LOL. She is quite right!

Bless you my child!





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Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Holiday without baggage




When hubs went for his trip, I jokingly told him that when he comes back from his trip, I will need to go for a holiday on my own.
He said ok.

Excuse me? Did I say he said ok????

Do you know what my husband is like? Worlds most protective/possessive person! He said ok for me to go away on my own? Get real!!!

This is the guy, same guy who would give me cold shoulders when I set outside my office for fresh air when I was working. I literally had to hide from him whenever I step outside of my office. You might ask how come he knows when you are in or out of the office right? Well, somehow, he just know! Each time I step out, somehow or rather my phone wod ring and it will be him asking me where I am! When I tell him I'm outside, he will ask with who and obviously it will be with some colleague and soon it will turn into a fight. Why do you think resigning was so easy? Less problem, less fights! I used to really think and believed that he paid someone to spy on me because it was really that bad. I didn't do anything wrong so I wasn't scared of confrontations but it became annoying more than anything else.

My colleagues used to tell me that if I marry this guy (my husband) I will live in a "cave".. A nice "cave" but still a "cave". That was word for word and I will always remember that.

So what has changed?
Over the years of being together he became less possessive? He is starting to trust me more? I have no clue but it looks like he's giving me the green light to go.

I don't want to get too excited.


I'll keep praying that I'll get my weekend off finally.......




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Monday, March 24, 2014

Goodbye MH370




Slept early last night as I was so upset with Mr Hubs. I could see him being jetlagged and unable to sleep but I totally ignored him. (Berdosa, I know)

I saw and could hear him watching the news.

In the middle of the night, must have been about 2am, he woke me up to tell me the latest with regards to the MH370. I couldn't believe it. My heart sank and had tears in my eyes.

I don't know anyone on that flight but it feels so close to home this time. MAS has always been my preferred airline. I never had any problems with MAS and I love everything about it. I don't think this tragedy will change my perception of the airline. Beijing is one place I want to go and I guess it feels like it could have been me on that flight. My brother has taken MH370 to Beijing a few times before too. It just feels like it could happen to any one of us here.

It's just so so sad!

It ended in the south of Indian Ocean. Ended. Such a vague word to describe such a big tragedy.

I don't know what else to say. I pray for closure for the family members. I can only offer my prayers and my condolences. A lot of questions need answers and I don't think we will get them.

Goodbye MH370. May Allah guide us to the right direction and give us the answers we are looking for.

"To Allah we belong and to Him we shall return"
Al fatihah

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Allow me to rant

Yes yes... What happened in the last few days was purely my fault. No one else to blame but me. It's not easy to live with that but hey, I can't turn back time! If I could, I would have stayed in the bathroom with her. I was already late with my Asar anyway. Spending a little bit more time to shower my daughter and then perform my prayers will not make much difference, right? Wallahualam I don't know.




Yesterday, I went for a play date with a girlfriend and her kids. We had fun and I needed some adult company. It was good and fun for all of us. Kids haven't seen each other for a long time but seem to bond really well. It was nice.



As I was getting ready to go out, I got a text from my husband saying that he's coming back. Huh? Come back 4 days sooner. I was happy of course. I know kids misses their dad and I know their dad misses them. (Note: I'm invisible. No one misses me and it's ok, feeling is mutual)

Turns out, trip to Somali Land is postponed and hubs told fil that he can't stay any longer. Finally he decided to come back and leave fil and the gang behind. He took the next flight to KL and arrived this afternoon at 2pm.

Kids was so excited to see their papa. It warms my heart to see how excited the both were and got me teary a little bit. I'm such a softie!

In the car, obviously the first topic was about the fall. No need to point fingers and rub it in.. I KNOW it's MY fault. He spoke in a rather irritable voice and asked why I didn't call after we came back from the hospital. Honestly, that night, I was so emotionally drained that I didn't know what I was doing. After we got home, we ate dinner, got ready for bed and I pretty much KO'ed after I did my isyak after kids went to bed. He was annoyed that I didn't call. But he was the least busy one, why couldn't he call???

From then on, I decided to keep my bloody mouth shut. And I kept my mouth shut the whole way back.

He also asked about my daughters arm.



"What happened here?"he asked and she answered "I scratched it!"

She has eczema. I've been the only one in the house controlling it. She can't eat a lot of salt and food with MSG especially things like chips and junks (which he buys for her on a daily basis!) so if she's scratching, is it also my fault?????

He then said "I left you for one week and look what happened!"

In other words, you are such a crappy mum, u can't even take care of the kids while I'm away!

I never said I was a good mum. Never. I know I am no where near. I don't think I am a bad mum, that's for sure. I'm sorry I can't devote my whole life to literally keep my eyes on the kids 24 hours! I don't think anyone can anyway! But don't come back with attitude like that cuz believe me, I would rather have you stay in Dubai than come back with all this attitude!

So freaking angry right now it's not even funny! Not in the mood to entertain this kind of crap!

So hard to be thankful sometimes. So freaking hard!

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Friday, March 21, 2014

Disaster

My husband is always around. Alhamdulillah, his job doesn't really require him to be away from us. Maybe about once a month, he will have to go outstation for work but normally it is only for 1 night or at most, 3 nights. We've never been away from each other for longer.

He is very protective and very controlling even during our dating days. Somehow, because of this, I've become used to it and it 'trained' me to always tell him my whereabouts. Even if it is to go to kedai mamak, I will make sure I call or text him to let him know. Sometimes it's annoying having to 'report' every single thing but at the end of the day, he is my husband and he deserves to know where his wife and kids are at all time. I don't have a problem with it anymore. Just that sometimes, I wish I can just walk out of the house to go somewhere without having to ask for permission or without informing anyone.
So anyways,

Few weeks back, my husband dropped a bombshell and informed us that he might need to accompany my fil to Dubai and Somali Land. Dubai? OK sounds fun. But Somali Land? What if he doesn't come back? (Nauzubillah). To top things, it was also sometime when the MH370 was reported missing. I didn't want him to go but he needed to accompany my fil to visit some stuff over there for work. Bad enough that he is going to some unknown land (Somali), he will be gone for 9 days. When I found out, I must say I was secretly hoping the trip will get cancelled. I secretly believed that it wont happen but soon, it was off to Dubai and I became a single mum for when he was away.

Since he was gone, everything that could go wrong, went wrong!

That night before he left, both my kids had really terrible nightmares and wouldn't stop crying for an hour. Both at the same time and both wanted me to carry them. Hubs couldn't do anything. He held my son for awhile but he kept crying and crying which made my daughter cry too because she wanted me to carry her as well. It was hell. Finally after an hour, both fell asleep. The next morning, my daughter randomly said to hub "Papa, don't go anywhere ok. I miss you very much". She knew he was leaving that day but she said it to him the moment she woke up. My heart broke into pieces. I am ok without my husband but I know the kids will miss him so much as he is very hands on with them. Their quality time is after magrib, until they go to sleep and they would all play together. That's my "me" time. I get to have long shower, perform my magrib and Isyak before going upstairs to put them to bed.

After sending him off at the airport, as soon as we arrived home, it started raining cats and dogs. We haven't had any rain in quite a long time and I was happy to get some rain but my oh my, it was so heavy! Not just the rain, there was thunder, storm, lightning, you name it. Kids were frightened and wanted their papa. We all cuddled in bed while we recite Al-Fatihah together. I told my daughter to keep reciting it as Allah will protect us. She was scared, she couldn't sleep with the sound of the thunder. To make things worse, our bedroom ceiling started leaking. Must be from the roof due to the heavy rain. OMG. What should I do??? I don't know who to call to fix that roof! Praying and hoping that we wont get any rain until my husband comes back. Alhamdulillah, so far, no more rain!

The next day, while I was in the shower, my maid was looking after the kids. I could hear "BANG!!" and then my son started screaming. I knew he must have fallen somewhere. Oh no!

Quickly rushed out of the shower to see him crying his eyes out and a bump on his forehead. Oh dear son...what have you done? He had climbed up the playhouse and jumped out of the window! Ended up on the floor.

Nothing new there as he is always climbing and jumping. But still, I could see the bump on his forehead. I had scheduled for a photo shoot that day for the kids and because of this bump, I decided to cancel it.

Last night, as usual it was bath time for my daughter. My son was having his early dinner downstairs. I had not done my Asar so I told my daughter to play in the bathroom while I perform my Asar. I was just right there. She has all her toys in the bathroom (watering can, cups, etc) and normally she would just fill up those stuff with water and just start pouring it into the cups. She can do this for ages without going anywhere or moving so I knew she was going to be ok while I perform my Asar. During my first rakaat, I could hear her talking to herself asking where her yellow cup was (she has 4 cups in the bathroom in 4 different colours) and I also heard her walking out of the bathroom to grab the cup which was on the table next to me. She walked out and ran back inside (because she knew I'd go mad if I saw her walking out of the bathroom), as she was running back inside, she slipped and hit her head on one of the plastic toy. I heard her fall...and immediately stopped praying.

My goodness. I saw blood!!!



I tried to put pressure on the cut with her towel to stop the bleeding but it didn't stop. I just kept on putting pressure on it and hugged her tight. Took her downstairs and my maid cleaned the cut and put a plaster on her forehead. We texted my husband and he went nuts. I don't blame him. He doesn't know how bad the cut is and knowing him, a million images were going through his head and I know he is feeling rather helpless at that point. Being a good dad that he is, he can't help being mad and of course he put the blame on me.

I was cool up to that point and then it hit me, omg it IS my fault. Everyone would question why I left her in the toilet on her own. Regardless the reasons why I was confident she would be ok for 5 minutes, it all comes down to, kids shouldn't be left alone, especially not in the toilet on their own. Period!

I felt so bad imagining what could have happened. After talking to my maid (she thinks it's ok not to take her to the doctor) but I just thought that to put my husband more at ease while he is away and to put my own guilt to rest, we rushed to the nearest Paed that very second.

Paed said she was ok. Nothing to worry about and it will heal by itself. She did however suggested for her to get some stitches but I said my daughter wouldn't have it. She will struggle and the stitch might end up looking worse than if we were to leave and let it heal by itself. My BFF who is a doctor suggested that we go for the glue. I never knew cuts can be glued. First time hearing it! Sounds like a better plan than to get it stitched.

Unfortunately, the Paed don't have the glue in her clinic. She said it is expensive to have it and suggested that we go to kpj Kajang. Off we went. Waited for ages and soon it was done. No pain whatsoever but my daughter did cry as the male doctor at kpj was unfriendly and very rough! I wanted to slap him for not having or showing any emotions whatsoever especially when he is dealing with a child! I guess he couldn't be bothered as they have bigger issues to attend to. But still! He wanted the nurse to do it and didn't even bother looking at the cut in the beginning. Only when the nurse was reluctant to do it that he sort of felt like he was forced to do it. What the hell!!

Anyway, alhamdulillah it all went well and we can finally say bye to this episode.

After I put them both to bed that night, I was watching a bit of tv and I heard something dripping from the ceiling. What the hell? No rain, what could be dripping? I switched on the light and saw that it was the aircond leaking. This aircond was recently serviced so really there was no reason for it to have problems.

We have 2 airconds in the bedroom as it is a pretty huge room. One is at the tv/sofa/living area and the other is near the sleeping area. One of our biggest concern is if the aircond at the tv area leaks, it might screw up the tv too because it is directly under the tv. We've been told and advised by the aircond guy many times of this but we always took it for granted that it won't happen so when I saw it leaking, I panicked. We seldom have both aircond on anyway and if it was on, it wouldn't be for the whole night as we are always worried that it may leaked. Funny part about the whole thing is, the aircond was not even switched on!!! I really felt tested to the bone at that time. I remember thinking, what the hell is going on? Why is everything going bad when my husband is not around? Is it a sign that I (we) can't live without him?
Luckily it stopped leaking after a few minutes.

After I perform my isyak that night, I cried and cried and cried! More because I was thankful that my daughter's injury was not as bad as it could have been. Syukur that she didn't hit the sharp edges or break the glass door or whatever. So many images was playing in my head. I cannot imagine how I would feel should something worse were to happen to her. Even thinking about it now gives me a shiver!

It is Day 5 today and less than halfway to go till he comes back. I always thought that I am strong enough to be a single mum but this time I realize how hard it is to be one. Not that I want to be one or thinking of being one but I always felt like I could do it. I can't!
Makes me appreciate my mum even more. Imagine handling gazillion dramas raising all 3 of us on her own without my dad's help. Bad enough she had to financially support us on her own. But even emotionally, my oh my, she is one strong woman!

All I can say is, I should be very thankful and count my blessings.

Alhamdulillah
Monday, March 17, 2014

Where are you?

So much is going on lately. I think the whole Malaysia is busy. Everyone is glued to the news. If you don't know what I'm talking about, then something is we on with you!


It's been 10 days and we still don't know what is happening. My thoughts and prayers is for the family members and all onboard MH370.

A lot of speculation and you see a lot of theories and whatnot. Everyone is spreading some kind of news. Some positive and some negative ones.

To me, I say if you have nothing nice to say, just be quiet! You are not helping anyone.

Like you, I also have doubts. I read the news and what's on the social media and it got me thinking. Anything is possible. But before you speculate, my plea is to think about the families. A lot has been said especially about the pilot and co pilot and who knows if it is true or not but imagine their father, mother, wife, daughters, sisters reading about them. They can't defend themselves and it's just not fair.

I think now is the time for us to stick together. The only thing we can do is pray. Pray for Allah to protect them and bring them home safely. No point blaming the government, DCA for anything at this point. Focus on getting them back safely and the only way we can help is pray.

InsyaAllah.. I believe they're still with us. Not going to give up hope and give up on them just yet. I believe in miracles and miracles do happen!







Come back soon MH370.



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Sunday, March 9, 2014

A walk in the Park







We took the kids to the KL Bird Park after I read awesome reviews on it. I figured, it will be fun for the kids to have a walk in the park and see some birds. It is after all the "World's Largest Free-flight Walk-in Aviary". I've always wanted to go and check it out. We invited my sil to come along with her 2 kids. My daughter was excited to have her cousins with her. They're the ultimate BFF those two!

We arrived quite early. Their opening hours are from 9am - 6pm and I read that it is better to go early so that it is not too hot. We arrived at about 9.30am and waited for almost an hour for my sil and clan to arrive. They got lost somewhere and that's why they were late. We sat at the café in front and had a bit to eat/drink.

Entry ticket weren't too bad too. We paid RM25.00 for adults and RM12.00 for kids. My son is below 3 years old so we didn't have to pay for him. Make sure to bring MyKad/MyKid too because you'll have to pay more without those. By right we had to pay RM48.00 for our maids since they don't have MyKad but somehow, they didn't ask for those so we only ended up paying RM25.00 for them too.
















We spent about 2 hours or so there. Honestly speaking.....the kids had a great time...walking. They couldn't really care less about the birds there. They were just having fun walking and running around. We saw a lot of peacocks but only 1 was showing off. We did get to go up close to the birds. The bird show wasn't all that great.
















I don't know..I guess I expected it to be really great but it wasn't all that. I mean, it was ok. Kids got to go up to some of the birds (mainly the peacocks) and the place was nice and clean. It wasn't too hot because of the trees and all there. We got to feed some fishes and that was fun for the kids.







They have a playground near the bird show area. When kids saw this, they obviously couldn't care less to see the show. They ended up climbing and playing at the playground. Good thing is, it is very clean.




After that we head to the restaurant for lunch. Food was quite good and that was nice.

Overall it was ok. Maybe our kids are just not into birds all that much. I think they had more fun at the Farm in the City as they had different types of animals there to see compared to this one.




My daughter is already potty trained. While waiting for her cousins to come, she wanted to use the bathroom and it was so far away at the other block. They didn't have any toilets nearby the entrance. We had to go all the way to the other side. Quite a long walk and down the stairs. Imagine if she couldn't hold it any longer? Yikes!




So I put on the diaper after she went to pee. Luckily I did because all the time in the bird park, we didn't see any toilets. Im sure they have it but it is quite a walk to get to one. We always have diaper as back up, in case she cant hold it while we are in the car or something.
Monday, March 3, 2014

Yeay!!!!

I feel good......


Love my husband! Love my mum! Love my kids!


Stay tuned!

Fat

I honestly don't know my weight right now. Last I checked, I had about 2kg more to go before I reach pre baby 2 weight. Surprisingly it is only 2kg but somehow I feel bigger than ever.






After I had baby number 2, I feel like my whole body is different. Somehow I am broader now. I don't know how to explain but yeah, I grew bigger although it doesn't seem that much on the weighing scale.

My daughter is obsessed with my tummy. She finds it cute. She is not shy expressing it either (out loud, mind you). One time we were in BSC, I had to pee and she went inside the toilet with me, she said out loud "your tummy is so cute mummy!" She says that all the time at home and I don't care but when you say it in public, out loud, that's just embarrassing!

Today, she asked me "mummy, why is your tummy so big?"

You know what that is??

It is a sign that I should start working out!!

Oh no!!!

I'm so bad at working out, that's why my tummy is so big!

I obviously don't want to spend money paying for a gym membership or a personal trainer because I know for a fact I will end up not going. I'm thinking twice about getting those exercise equipment that they have specifically for abs. That too will end up in the store room.



Best and most economical way for me to get rid of my "cute" love handles is to search for videos on YouTube that I can do at home.
At least it's free and who cares if I don't end up doing it?

That's it! That's the plan tomorrow...



I need to get back in shape.

(The cheesecake my maid made is in the fridge as I type this and I'm going to eat it!)

Bye for now

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Thankful

Sorry I've been a grumpy old pot lately. I don't know what is wrong with me. Either I'm Pmsing or the heat is really getting to me. It's been really hot lately. Even indoors, with the aircond on full blast I can still feel the heat. Really cannot stand the heat! To top that, the haze is back too. Woohoo!!!

Seems like we have this problem every single year, huh? When will this end? I hate the smell of this bad air around us.




Alhamdulillah, my kids are really healthy kids. They seldom get sick (touch wood) but last night, my daughter was coughing. I hope it is not because of the bad air. I don't let them go out and play outside lately. They will scream and cry to go outside but I kept telling them "No, you cant go out because the air is dirty" which they don't understand, obviously!






Good news is, yesterday, for the first time in a long time, it rained. Alhamdulillah.

My daughter was singing "Rain! Rain! Go away, come again another day!" and all us adults went "No, no! We want the rain this time!"




Sigh.




Anyway, I feel bad about being so negative lately. It's not that I like to complain and whine but I've been really tired lately. I guess age is catching up, kids are super active and it is so stressful with so many things going on all at the same time. Maid going back - new maid coming - moving to new place - looking for school for my daughter - wanna go back to work/not - bills getting higher and higher every month (don't know why) - everything is so expensive...you see, so many things!




I was sitting in bed last night thinking about my life in general and thought to myself, how lucky am I to lead this life? Really, I complain all the time about how tough life is and how miserable I am sometimes being a SAHM but really...I am so lucky and blessed.




I really need to sit down and thank my lucky stars...




So I decided that today, I am going to be HAPPY again because really, I don't have a reason to be unhappy. Life is too short to be angry and grumpy all the time. It only gives you more wrinkles...and OMG, I just noticed that I have wrinkles around my eyes already (Damn, I need new eye cream!).




Here are some of the reasons why I should be thankful:




1. Good health

I am healthy. I am super healthy. I don't remember the last time I'm sick or have a flu or a cold. Alhamdulillah. I am blessed with good health. People say epidural gives you back ache and all that, I don't have backache and I took epidural! I am also thankful that my everyone in my family is healthy.

Mum is healthy, brothers are healthy, husband is healthy and my kids are healthy. Alhamdulillah. This is the greatest gift of all. I pray Allah will always give us good health if nothing else.




2. Super good kids

I know I complain about them a lot but they are the most amazing kids I could ever ask for. My daughter, despite being a strong willed child is so loving towards me and although I scold her all the time and say no whenever she asks for candy, I get the most "I love you so much" in the house. Her papa gives her candy and buys her whatever she wants but I get the "I love you so much" more than he does. hehe.. I love that! And my son, ah..my son, he is the cutest little thing on the planet. I cant stop kissing and cuddling him. He prefers his papa but he comes to me every night when he wants to sleep for a cuddle. That just warms my heart. I get sloppy kisses too from him. I love it. They're such good kids. They're super active, which can drive me nuts but Alhamdulillah, they're just wonderful human beings. Love them so much.




3. Marriage

Sure, every marriage has their ups and down and mine is no different. We don't fight. We don't argue. We don't shout at each other and say nasty things. To me, that's good enough. I know he loves me and I know I love him, that's all that matters. The "spark" is probably not as strong as before but who am I kidding, did I really think it will be "honeymoon period" forever? Of course not. Alhamdulillah I have my husband and Alhamdulillah we have a good marriage. I pray Allah will keep us together forever till Jannah.




Times are hard. People are complaining about the price hike and how expensive everything is and our family is the same. Kid's education is also another thing that we need to think about. Although we are blessed that we lead a very comfortable life, we still get stressed out looking at how much we have to pay every month. That is why my husband said it isn't such a bad idea for me to work. Having said that, it's not like he wants me to go get a job or anything like that. He thinks it is good for me to have extra, (in case he cant give me so much anymore!)so at the end of the day, it is up to me to work or to continue being a SAHM. This is what I am thankful for. I have options. Unlike some people out there. I feel sorry for them that they need to work instead of being home with their kids. For me, I have a choice to work or stay and for now, I choose to stay. I hope Allah will continue to give us rezeki. I hope I wont HAVE to go back to work because we cant afford to be a single income family anymore. I hope we don't have to go there. Alhamdulillah for now we don't..but we don't know what the future holds. Even Donald Trump was once broke...so you see, it could happen to anyone.




I need to be and stay positive. I am. I am truly blessed.




In case you see me being a grumpy old lady again, kick me in the butt and get me out of that dark place will ya?




We need to count our blessings, always. There are so many out there who aren't so lucky or as blessed as us.





Let's be happy! Jom!
Saturday, March 1, 2014

Sunday blues

People have Monday blues but for me, it is on Sundays when I often feel so restless. I really hate Sundays.

My maid is off on Sundays. She usually leave about 10am and will be back in the evening. She gets to go to church and go shopping on her own a little while. Lately she comes back pretty early. By 4pm she is usually back.

My issue is not that she's not around because honestly speaking, on weekdays, she's so caught up with the housework that I'm still on my own pretty much the whole time with the kids. She will help me out with the kids every now and then (like when I need to take a shower) but other than that, she's too busy running up and down doing housework.

I don't know why I'm always so angry on Sundays.

I almost feel jealous that every adult in this house gets alone time except for me. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and I love being with them but I wish I have time alone without them. I feel like asking my husband to take the maid and kids out later and just leave me alone at home in peace.

Getting "me" time is a lot harder than I think. I told myself earlier this year that no matter what, I should get some pampering time at the spa, salon or something at least once a month. Easier said than done.

Each time I make an appointment, there will always be a reason to cancel and reschedule! Always!
Something always comes up. Last minute meeting lah, last minute appointment and can't cancel la, emergency la... All sorts of excuse and things will happen when it is MY turn to go out alone. I know my husband is not doing it on purpose to sabotage my alone time but because I'm not working, almost as if everything I want to do comes second to whatever he has to do.

I hate Sundays.

What do you do on Sundays?

I wish I could not do anything on Sundays. I wish my husband and maid would let me just sit down, put my feet up and not say a word to me on Sundays. I wish I could wake up late on Sundays like everyone else. I wish I could go to the market on Sundays. Go for a hair wash & blow, go for manicure and pedicure... But instead...

I'm home with the kids....
Preparing breakfast, preparing lunch, doing this, doing that!

So need a day off!!

Can I call in sick?





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