 |
| photo credit: A Medium Corporation |
6 April 2020
Today is my youngest brother’s birthday. He turned 36 today and I can promise you, it is the saddest birthday he has ever had.
My beloved grandma (Tokmi), who would have been 90 this October passed away early yesterday morning. It is the first death of a close family member for me and I can tell you, the pain is almost unbearable for us. She was our rock. She was the glue that glued us together. We don’t know how to function without her.
Arwah Tokmi was a super strong lady. If you were lucky enough to know her, you would be in love with her forever. She’s the most gentle soul but don’t be fooled by her calm demeanor. She’s strong as a rock!
Arwah Tokbah left her when my uncles and aunts were still in school. My mom is the eldest and she had to work to help support the family. Tokmi struggled to make it work but she did it. She had a successful catering business and cooking was her passion. She was a great cook, if not the greatest!
She was just the sweetest grandma anyone can ever ask for. I cannot pick and choose stories to describe our relationship but rest assured we had plenty. She’s just the best. I am always and forever her favourite granddaughter (even if I have to say so myself). I was the first grandchild and the only granddaughter for a long time so to me, I take that as I’m the special one. But truth is, all her grandchildren are special to her and we all feel like we are her favourite. She was awesome to each and every one of her 16 grandchildren. We will all miss her so much. Words just cannot describe how much pain we feel inside.
In 2007, we had the first scare. She was diagnosed with cervical cancer. She was 77 years old. I remember I got the news when I was in Langkawi. I couldn’t function, I had to fly back. I did just in time for her surgery and spent few nights in the hospital with her. Alhamdulillah they managed to remove the cancer and no further treatment was needed. She recovered very well. Allah gave us more time with her.
Almost 10 years later, we had another scare. This time, she was diagnosed with skin cancer. Again, they managed to remove it and no further treatment was necessary. Alhamdulillah it all went well without any complications. Other than that, she’s healthier than most people her age. She didn’t have any other illnesses and therefore surgeries for both cancer went well.
Few years ago, we noticed that she has mild symptoms of dementia. It was really tough to manage her because dementia made her personality change quite drastically. I see my grandma slipping away. It hurt so much when she couldn’t remember who I was. But yet I was still happy to see her and although she had no clue who I was, every time I came to see her, her eyes light up and wouldn’t let me go home. She would ask me who I was repeatedly but yet she won’t let go my hands.
Her condition deteriorated quite bad quite fast. Soon, she couldn’t even talk as normal. Making a complete sentence seems difficult and sometimes, sentences don't make sense anymore. She couldn't tell when she was hungry, she couldn't say when she was sleepy, she couldn't express herself anymore. It was heartbreaking to see someone you love getting to that stage. I always pray for Allah to ease her journey. Though she is not in any pain, seeing her being pretty much lifeless breaks our heart. She couldn’t say what she wanted. We couldn’t understand her.
Few months back, her health has deteriorated even more. She had some internal bleeding and had multiple small strokes. It isn’t looking good at all but she kept fighting to live. After a few trips to the hospital she was back home and she got better. One time I thought we had lost her but she came back stronger. I guess her time was not up yet. She was not giving up despite how tough things were.
Few days before I went to Mekah, I went to visit her to say goodbye. She couldn’t speak and sentences don’t make sense but when I said "Assalamualaikum", she would answer "Walaikumsalam". It was very clear unlike the other words she utters. I would say it many times and she would reply back every single time. It was the only way I know how to get a response from her and although we couldn’t say much to each other, having her reply to my salam felt more than enough. She was no longer feeding using the tube like she had to few months prior to that so in a way, I was glad to see her getting to eat like normal.
In Mekah, she was constantly in my prayers. I asked Allah to protect her and if her duties in this world is over, please take her the best possible way and the easiest way. Make her comfortable and for Allah to give strength to all the people taking care of her at home. It isn’t easy to care for a 90 year old.
On the 5th April 2020, few months short of her 90th birthday, my beloved Tokmi passed away peacefully in Putrajaya Hospital. I am happy I got to see her and kissed her for the last time. I am happy I got to tell her I loved her dearly that day before she passed. Although she was already in a coma, I know she could hear me. It broke my heart, crushed my world but I trust Allah is the best planner. Al-Fatihah.
May Allah forgive all her sins, magnify her rewards and make her resting place better than her place in this world. We love you Tokmi. Thank you for being the best grandma I could ever ask for. I hope that I made you proud. I hope I made you happy but most importantly I hope you always feel loved by me. I do Tokmi. I love you so much. May we see each other again soon. Al- fatihah
Today is my youngest brother’s birthday. He turned 36 today and I can promise you, it is the saddest birthday he has ever had.
My beloved grandma (Tokmi), who would have been 90 this October passed away early yesterday morning. It is the first death of a close family member for me and I can tell you, the pain is almost unbearable for us. She was our rock. She was the glue that glued us together. We don’t know how to function without her.
Arwah Tokmi was a super strong lady. If you were lucky enough to know her, you would be in love with her forever. She’s the most gentle soul but don’t be fooled by her calm demeanor. She’s strong as a rock!
Arwah Tokbah left her when my uncles and aunts were still in school. My mom is the eldest and she had to work to help support the family. Tokmi struggled to make it work but she did it. She had a successful catering business and cooking was her passion. She was a great cook, if not the greatest!
She was just the sweetest grandma anyone can ever ask for. I cannot pick and choose stories to describe our relationship but rest assured we had plenty. She’s just the best. I am always and forever her favourite granddaughter (even if I have to say so myself). I was the first grandchild and the only granddaughter for a long time so to me, I take that as I’m the special one. But truth is, all her grandchildren are special to her and we all feel like we are her favourite. She was awesome to each and every one of her 16 grandchildren. We will all miss her so much. Words just cannot describe how much pain we feel inside.
In 2007, we had the first scare. She was diagnosed with cervical cancer. She was 77 years old. I remember I got the news when I was in Langkawi. I couldn’t function, I had to fly back. I did just in time for her surgery and spent few nights in the hospital with her. Alhamdulillah they managed to remove the cancer and no further treatment was needed. She recovered very well. Allah gave us more time with her.
Almost 10 years later, we had another scare. This time, she was diagnosed with skin cancer. Again, they managed to remove it and no further treatment was necessary. Alhamdulillah it all went well without any complications. Other than that, she’s healthier than most people her age. She didn’t have any other illnesses and therefore surgeries for both cancer went well.
Few years ago, we noticed that she has mild symptoms of dementia. It was really tough to manage her because dementia made her personality change quite drastically. I see my grandma slipping away. It hurt so much when she couldn’t remember who I was. But yet I was still happy to see her and although she had no clue who I was, every time I came to see her, her eyes light up and wouldn’t let me go home. She would ask me who I was repeatedly but yet she won’t let go my hands.
Her condition deteriorated quite bad quite fast. Soon, she couldn’t even talk as normal. Making a complete sentence seems difficult and sometimes, sentences don't make sense anymore. She couldn't tell when she was hungry, she couldn't say when she was sleepy, she couldn't express herself anymore. It was heartbreaking to see someone you love getting to that stage. I always pray for Allah to ease her journey. Though she is not in any pain, seeing her being pretty much lifeless breaks our heart. She couldn’t say what she wanted. We couldn’t understand her.
Few months back, her health has deteriorated even more. She had some internal bleeding and had multiple small strokes. It isn’t looking good at all but she kept fighting to live. After a few trips to the hospital she was back home and she got better. One time I thought we had lost her but she came back stronger. I guess her time was not up yet. She was not giving up despite how tough things were.
Few days before I went to Mekah, I went to visit her to say goodbye. She couldn’t speak and sentences don’t make sense but when I said "Assalamualaikum", she would answer "Walaikumsalam". It was very clear unlike the other words she utters. I would say it many times and she would reply back every single time. It was the only way I know how to get a response from her and although we couldn’t say much to each other, having her reply to my salam felt more than enough. She was no longer feeding using the tube like she had to few months prior to that so in a way, I was glad to see her getting to eat like normal.
In Mekah, she was constantly in my prayers. I asked Allah to protect her and if her duties in this world is over, please take her the best possible way and the easiest way. Make her comfortable and for Allah to give strength to all the people taking care of her at home. It isn’t easy to care for a 90 year old.
On the 5th April 2020, few months short of her 90th birthday, my beloved Tokmi passed away peacefully in Putrajaya Hospital. I am happy I got to see her and kissed her for the last time. I am happy I got to tell her I loved her dearly that day before she passed. Although she was already in a coma, I know she could hear me. It broke my heart, crushed my world but I trust Allah is the best planner. Al-Fatihah.
May Allah forgive all her sins, magnify her rewards and make her resting place better than her place in this world. We love you Tokmi. Thank you for being the best grandma I could ever ask for. I hope that I made you proud. I hope I made you happy but most importantly I hope you always feel loved by me. I do Tokmi. I love you so much. May we see each other again soon. Al- fatihah
I will miss you forever Tokmi....
Sariffa Anon
30 Oct 1930 - 5 April 2020
No comments:
Post a Comment
Say what?!