How are you?

We are still under lockdown and I've lost count. I have no clue what day it is or how long we've been in this MCO. When is this all going to be over? 

I've been feeling really down the last couple of weeks. I'm just sick and tired of living this way. I feel like I am wasting my time. I feel like my kids are losing out a lot. But each time I have this negative thoughts or moments of weakness, I snap out of it pretty quickly. I have to count our blessings and remind myself that we have so much to be thankful for. But I'm only human. I have my good and bad days.

This week, my kids started their mid term break. I feel like with online classes, we need breaks and I am so happy that we have no classes this whole week. Chinese New Year is coming up too. Kids have been on their online class since January and I think, this break is needed for us to just chill. We have an art project to do for school. We decided to do it as a family.

Family

This is what we come up with. It is all our initials. This painting is titled Family. We each painted our own initials and chose our colours. This really sums us up. I love the colours and we had fun painting this.

Apart from forcing my kids to participate in this art project (it was not compulsory to do), I also did some painting myself. This is painted on canvas. One morning, I had Sheila Majid music on spotify and just started painting away. Go with the flow intuitive painting. I love how the colours look so nice together. I posted this on my instagram and my friend booked it immediately. I'm still not confident enough to sell my paintings but soon, I think I will. One thing I need to learn is take better photos. 

Yesterday, I went to BSC to do some grocery shopping and stopped by Times Bookstore. I got myself a Sudoku book. Dont ask me why!!! I feel like I'm forgetting things even more lately. Maybe I need to start Sudoku and solving Maths problems or something. I used to do Sudoku a lot but I havent done in years. When I started this today, I couldnt do it as fast as I thought I could. Felt stupid for a while. But once I got the hang of it, it is actually fun to do.

So that's me. I've had a productive week, I think. I just need to keep myself busy. Hope you are all doing the same and keeping busy. Cant wait for this to be over. Stay safe everyone!

2020 in review

Just like that, 2020 is almost coming to an end. I cannot believe December is coming to an end and soon, we will be welcoming a brand new year. 2021.

I feel quite sad that we didnt get to do much this year. Felt like we were waiting for 2020 for ages and was so hopeful that it was going to turn out to be so great but in the end, it was such a let down. 

We started our year really well. Back in January 2020, we welcomed the new year in Bangkok and had an amazing time with the family. My kids also had a really nice time with their cousins there. Although there were reports of Covid-19, it wasnt really a big deal back then. We had no clue what was coming. We travelled to Desaru and Singapore too in January. At that time, Covid-19 stories were already detected in Singapore and Johor. We were worried but still, we didnt know how serious it was going to get. I remember Singapore malls were quieter than usual and some people were already wearing masks. At that time, we were still walking around Singapore without masks on. I dont know how to do that anymore. How much things have changed since then.

In February 2020 we were busy preparing for our Mekah trip. It was a journey to remember for me and it was truly one of the most humbling experience of my life. I was blown away by that trip and enjoyed every bit of it. Thinking about it gives me goosebumps and I cant wait to go back there. While we were in Mekah, the pandemic started getting more serious. Arab Saudi decided to suspend all entry for pilgrims visiting the holy sites while we were there. Some of them were already in Jeddah airport and was asked to return. How lucky were we that we arrived only a few days before that happened. I believe, we were really the chosen ones to be there. MasyaAllah. 25 February 2020 is also an important date for me because it was the first time I wore the hijab (to the airport for my Umrah) and I have not taken it off since. I would like to keep and remember this date as the date of my hijrah.

We arrived in KL in March and we had plans to travel to Paris and London during the easter break in April. It was supposed to be amazing to celebrate my mil turning 80. But Malaysia went into lockdown in March just 2 weeks after we arrived back from Mekkah. All the plans we had for this amazing 2020 went down the drain. March 2020 was the first time we had to be in proper lockdown. Police and army seen everywhere even in malls. Going to the supermarket to get groceries was like going to war. It was terrifying. An experience we will never forget.

April was a sad month for me as it was my first experience with death of a close family member. In my 40 years of age I've been blessed to have all my family members with me. I have never experienced real grieve till I was 40(turning 41). You would think that one will be more mature and strong at 40 when dealing with grieve and death but trust me, it is just as hard if not harder. I cried and cried lots that month. I lost the most amazing person in my life. I lost my dear grandma. Someone so dear to me. My biggest fear finally came true that month. It was painful but I am happy that I was there and I got to say my goodbye despite being in lockdown. Al-fatihah Tokmi. You will always have a special place in my heart and I will continue to pray for you till the day we reunite again, InsyaAllah.

Ramadhan this year was probably one of the best Ramadhan for me because I felt like I've done more ibadah than I ever did. I tried to do my terawikh every night and read the Quran more than I ever did. I got myself a digital Quran too and that helped me a lot in my reading. 

In May we celebrated Raya in the new normal. It was a quiet one. In a way it was ok because we were all still grieving. It was our first raya without my grandma. It was hard. For the first time, kids didnt get to celebrate with their cousins. Raya felt like just another day. I didnt even get new raya outfits for the family. For the first time, we didnt have colour coordinated raya outfits, which is a shame because that has been a tradition for many years. The Raya mood was gone.

June, July and August is always a busy month for us because it is our birthday months. One after another. It was pretty low-key but memorable nonetheless. The kids had some friends over for their birthdays and that itself was a nice time for the kids as they haven't seen their friends in months. 

August this year was also a huge milestone for my kids as they moved to a new school. We were very excited and really enjoying the new school very much but our excitement was short-lived because the government announced another lockdown after the Sabah elections. I was so pissed that they had to go back to online classes only just a month after being in the new school. Such a bummer that was.

September went by so fast too. I turned 41! *cries* Alhamdulillah for all the blessings in my life. Although I always have to order my own birthday cake every year (rolls eyes) but I am happy that I am surrounded by good wonderful people in my life especially my husband and family. I celebrated my birthday with people dearest to me and I couldnt ask for more.

On the 2nd of October, my birthday gift arrived. Yay!!! I've been waiting for you for months. 

I also finally got to see my brother and his family. They moved to London for a year (to do his Masters) and we've missed them so much. They're now back in KL for good and I finally got to meet my new baby nephew. Baby Yusof is just too adorable for words. I love that boy so much.

November went by really quickly too. We were going about our usual routine most of the time. I wondered many times if this semi-lockdown will ever end as cases kept rising. I couldnt celebrate my mom's birthday but we spent some time with her at my brother's place and that was fun seeing my nephews and mom. A friend of mine invited me for lunch one day at her new place and that was a lot of fun too seeing everyone to catch up. Small gatherings with dearest friends and family always puts me in a good mood. Something we took for granted pre Covid days. Now that we dont get to do it much, each time we meet we treasure those moments a lot more.

December felt long somehow. The kids ended their online classes for this academic year and we are hopeful that school will reopen in January. Hopefully they will be able to return back to campus again. We had a short break to Legoland this month which was nice too. For the first time ever, theme park was empty and for the first time, we didnt have to queue to get on the rollercoaster, which was a lot of fun for the kids. 

Despite this challenging year, I think we've all done pretty well this year. We all had our ups and downs. Some can be testing to the core but alhamdulillah, we made it! Let's pray for a better year in 2021. 

Happy New Year everyone. May Allah protect us all and bless us abundantly always. 

Adopt a Butterfly

A friend of mine posted about adopting a butterfly once and I was intrigued. I've always wanted my kids to learn and see the whole process but somehow didnt know where to get it from. I contacted the Butterfly Reptile and ordered the Pupa Set for my kids. 

This package is awesome because it comes with everything you need. I got 2 sets of this for each child. My daughter wasnt all interested in the beginning but when the package arrived (about 5 days later), she was excited!

The packaging was also very pretty and each set comes with a handwritten note from the Butterfly Guardians which had their mobile number in case you need to Whatsapp them for advice or if you have any questions. 

This is how the Pupa looks like. My son's pupa is green and my daugther's is brown. My son named his "Bob" and my daughter named hers "HC" for Hot Choc. I gave her the idea. I'm always naming our pets after drinks. (Our cat is called Pepsi and our rabbits is Latte). I think it is so cute. 

All we needed to do is to spray the inside of the jar with water daily. Every day, we see something happening to the Pupa. After 2 days, my daughter's pupa became a beautiful butterfly. It wasnt moving much and we were worried to let it go so I texted our Butterfly Guardian and they said it is ready to leave. Bob became a butterfly 5 days later. It was so active and immediately we knew he was ready to leave. I love the experience and kids loved it too. I might just adopt a few more.

This is Hot Chocolate before it left us

Goodbye little butterfly........ now fly away

Things I love about 2020

 Hello, December!!!

Can you believe it is already the end of 2020? I am finding it hard to believe how fast time has passed. Part of me is glad that it is coming to an end but part of me is wondering what good would 2021 be if we havent found a solution to our problems in 2020?

Whatever it is, new year is approaching and I would like to pen down some of the things I love about 2020. I'm hopeful that 2021 will be a better year. InsyaAllah

Here are the some things I love about my 2020

My Umrah trip

Missing this view

It was such a good trip for my soul. I needed that trip more than I thought and Alhamdulillah I came back a much better, person. That trip was everything! Allah permudahkan everything right from the get-go for all of us. Everything was perfect and we had an amazing experience. I am so blessed that my first time to Mekah was with my husband and both my children. I was so happy that my children got to experience it with me and my husband made it so comfortable for all of us. Thinking about it makes me miss it so much. I cant wait to go back. We all want to go back as soon as the gates are opened and as soon as this Covid-19 over. 

My Hijrah

I never thought I'd wear the hijab anytime soon. I always thought I'd be like my mum. She started wearing the hijab at the age of 60 if I'm not mistaken so I thought I'd probably be like that too. I had no plans to wear it and was struggling at the idea of wearing it in Mekah because I'm just not used to it. Before Mekah, I bought a few designs that I thought would be suitable for Umrah and that was it. I have a few Duck tudungs in my collection (that I bought over the years for tahlil and all that) but I never wore it and didnt know how to style it. I was clueless.

View from my hotel room

But when I came back to KL, I felt like I have to keep it on. It didnt feel right taking it off. I remember getting ready to go to the supermarket for the first time and still debating with my own self if I should wear it or shouldnt. In the end, my good self won. I kept it on and it has been smooth sailing. All my worries about styling, about how people might perceive me, about clothes to wear were all gone. It was as if I've been wearing it my whole life. It was that natural. 

I left for Mekah on the 25th February and that was the first day I had my hijab on and never took it off. That was my hijrah day and 2020 made it possible. At 40 years of age I started wearing hijab. 

My 2020 Ramadhan

Ramadhan this year was so different from the previous years. We were in lockdown and couldnt do much but order food and stay indoors. This year's Ramadhan was the best ever because it was the only time that we got to really spend at home and focus on being a good muslim. We normally have lots of distractions but this year I felt like fasting was easier. Somehow getting up for Sahur was easier too. Terawikh with the kids felt natural. Keeping prayers was easy too because we were at home with not much things to do. I feel like it was the best Ramadhan to date. I started reading the Quran too during this Ramadhan. Although I wanted to Khatam within that month, I didnt get to do it. But InsyaAllah, I'll try harder. 

Quality Family Time

This year we spent A LOT of time at home and not much travelling, which is a shame because we are HUGE on traveling. But despite not being able to do the normal things we do as a family, I feel happy that we are spending a lot of time together. We are usually too busy with the outside world and sometimes hardly have time for each other but this year, we are always together. When we do get together with other family members (cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncle), it is always short but it is always fun because we know not to take things for granted. Alhamdulillah, I think 2020 has brought lots of family closer together. In my case, I think it has and I love that about 2020.

Discovering New Passion

The painting that I am working on now

One of the things I love about 2020 is when I rediscovered my passion for art. I wouldnt have picked it up if it werent for the lockdown. I have so much time at home now and this is how I fill my time. Exploring new ideas and painting. I'm not a professional and far from it. I still dont know what my style is but I love exploring and so far I've gotten quite good feedback from friends and family. 

2020 is not that bad.

Feeling inspired

We are reaching the end of 2020. Can you believe it? 1 whole year of living this way and surviving this pandemic. It has many ups and down for sure but we made it. 

This year has been quite a year. I want to say I hate it but I cant because I have a lot of valuable experiences and wonderful memories of it too. One of the things I found was my passion in art. It took me 41 years to realise that I am actually pretty good at it. I wish I had pursued it in University or when I was younger. I may lead a different life all together if I had done that. Who knows?

Since I started painting this year, I've done mostly small paintings. But after a while, I felt like I could do with a bigger canvas. I bought one in 60 cm x 75 cm. Not big enough for a wall perhaps but big enough to be a statement piece. I soon realise that it is not easy to fill the canvas with the "skills" and tools that I have. I struggled. I did a few version of it and just wasnt satisfied with it. I guess what I having was a creative block, I guess?

One day, I went to KLCC to have coffee. I saw this beautiful mural and was admiring it. I took a photo of it and posted it on my instagram. Surprisingly, many of my friends commented thinking it was my painting. I suddenly felt like hey, maybe I could paint this. 

Tadaaaa!!! This is my version, inspired by that mural I saw in KLCC. I love it. It took me a while to get there but finally, I got it! I'm going to put this up for sale on Carousell. I'm so excited about this painting.

Isnt it an awesome background? It matches this roll on bottle by Young Living, which is my current favourite roll on. The aroma is really refreshing and it can help support your respiratory health. I love it. If you are interested to get in, email me and I'll hook you up with someone who can explain to you more about Young Living oils. 

Anyway, I'm feeling super inspired right now. Time to work on another painting. 

Doodling fun

 I've always loved doodling. If you give me a pen and a paper, even whilst watching TV, I could be doodling away some random thing and sometimes, it will end up becoming something really nice. I started exploring watercolour and doodling and the results was amazing as you can see on this post. 

Dont you just love the colours? The black pen doodles just makes the colour pop even more. This is just A4 size and took me a few hours to complete. I just sat there doodling away while watching a korean drama. 

My friend saw this and wanted to buy it from me. Another friend commissioned me to do one for her. I'm so excited!!!

Mengaji Time

Unfortunately, I have not khatam Quran yet. I'm ashamed of myself that at 40 years old (turning 41 in september) I have yet to khatam.

I started reading the Quran very young. I remember going to mengaji classes, agama classes but never consistent. I would be in one class and then would move school or move house and then won't continue. Or would be in agama school and then stopped (for whatever reason).

I was always very bad at it too. For some reason, reading Quran is very difficult for me to master. I would always do very badly in mengaji classes. It was just something I was never good at.

Sometime in form 5, my arwah tokmi found an ustaz to come over to the house to teach all the cucus mengaji. All 6 of us (including my brothers and cousins) would mengaji together. They somehow managed to khatam but somehow I didn't. I got to juz 20 something and then I flew to UK to continue my studies. Again, I didn't finish my quran.

Fast forward over 20 years later, without anyone forcing me to do it, during Ramadhan this year, I picked up a Quran (that was I think my hantaran gift) and started reading. Obviously I had forgotten how to read it and I haven't done it for years, I had great difficulty reading it. I didn't know if I read it right or wrong. I remember the basics but I don't know if my tajuweed is right. At the same time, I was wondering if it is berdosa to read it when I know I could be 100% wrong in my pronunciation and all that. Miraculously, I found a video on Youtube of this ceramah saying that you will get more rewards for trying to read. It is ok to get it wrong as long as your intentions are right. Wallahualam.

I was reading it after every solat. Slowly but surely, I think my reading is getting better. I don't get to read much because I am a very slow reader. But by the end of Ramadan, I managed to read a few juzuks. The Quran I read had jawi on the bottom too so that helped me to double check my reading.

My friend posted about this digital Quran by AlQalam. She said it helped her read so much. I decided to get one for myself. Alhamdulillah, I am progressing really well and this digital Quran has helped me with the tajweed and pronunciation better.

InsyaAllah I will khatam by this year. Fingers crossed.

On another note, my kids are progressing well with their Quran reading too. Both of them have started Quran early this year and hopefully will Khatam this year too. My prayers are for all of us to khatam together this year. Pray for us!

We can do it!

Playing with Watercolour

I started exploring with watercolour last week. I saw a set and decided to get one. It was on discount too! I have zero experience with watercolour except for the time we painted using watercolours in school. This is all new to me.

This was one of my first watercolour painting that I did with the help of Youtube. I love it. I love painting flowers!

Once I know roughly how to paint flowers, I started to fill up the spaces on the paper with many more flowers. It is random and I chose flowers according to the colours I want. I am loving how it looks. The final result is beautiful. Isn't it?

My daughter saw it and she loved it. She asked for me to do one for her best friend. I have blank postcard papers that I bought for my art. I painted it and now she can send a postcard to her friend.

Do you like it? I'm so happy.

Art of the week

I just came back from my cuti-cuti Malaysia. When I was away, the thing I missed most was being able to paint. I kept browsing for ideas and inspiration while I was away. I couldn't wait to start painting. I wondered if this is my true calling. Hmm...

This week, I did a few pieces that I am super proud of. I love that I don't need to go to art school or art classes because there's so many tutorials available on Youtube.

This is one small piece I painted on canvas. I followed a tutorial on Youtube but of course I ended up doing it my way in the end. It was supposed to be flowers but in the end, I thought why not make it abstract instead. It works and looks better somehow. I love the colours too.

I love the colours on this floral piece. Don't you? Since I'm a self taught painter, I'm still unsure of what my 'style' is. It really depends on what I feel on that day. Somedays I want to do abstract but some days I want to do floral. But most of the time, I feel floral works best for me. I always feel like painting flowers. With abstract, I feel like I don't know when to stop!

On Friday, I went back to my favourite store. I couldn't help going back there. It is really my favourite store. I ended up spending loads of money too. I bought a watercolour set. Don't know why.
I've always wanted to explore with watercolour too.

This is the piece I created thanks to youtube tutorial. I love it!!!!!

The best part is, I got friends asking me to paint for them and I also had an offer to purchase this piece I did this week. I'm not ready to sell but it does give me butterflies (in a good way) and makes me happy.

New Playground

Since the lockdown, I've taken up a new hobby. You can read about it here! Since then, I've been painting almost daily. I just love it. I wish I had taken up Art & Design when I was in college. Why didn't I? It is never too late to take up something new!

I obviously haven't received any formal training on painting. I haven't got a clue on how to do it. I guess I just go with the flow and Youtube helps. I am no professional nor would I call myself good but I just love creating every piece.

I've been using Youtube tutorials as a guide, sometimes I just take bits and pieces and try to put it together. Whatever goes. There are no rules. You just go with the flow. I've been spending quite a lot of money buying art supplies too. I don't even know what to get but again, I go with my gut feeling and just buy whatever I wanted to buy. I started with acrylic paints, just because! I just went with that and slowly my collection of colours just grew. 

My go to store for art supplies when I started was Advanco in Melawati and Czip Lee in Bangsar. Other bigger art stores like Art Friend are a bit too far for me and I don't really want to go to a shopping mall just to get art supplies.

One day, my friend saw my post on instagram and suggested for me to go to Westar Art Shop in Melawati because I'd go crazy there. Melawati is where I go for my art supplies (Advanco) but how come I didn't see this Westar store before?

I decided to go check it out and OMG. This is my favourite store!!!! I almost fainted when I saw the selection of Golden range of items. Golden is an overseas brand of paints. I see a lot of painters use that brand but I haven't seen this much range in all the other stores I've been to.

I've been looking for this every where and I'm so glad I found it. It's not cheap. It is over RM30 for this 30ml bottle. But I needed it.

My husband was waiting for me in the car and had he not been there, I would have spent longer in the store. I would have spent more money too because there's just SO MANY things to get and so many colours!

But I ended up getting this much and spent RM150 only. Amazing. Few days before, I was at Czip Lee and spent almost RM200 on much less items. I can't wait to come back when I have more time to splurge on new colours.

This hobby aint cheap, I tell you. But I've had my friends texting me and asking me to paint for them already. So who knows, this new hobby might be my new career!

Ha ha.....

Double Celebration

I love this piece from Fleuri Flowers Hartamas

My daughter loves any type of celebration. Her favourite is of course Birthdays. Every birthday in the family is a big deal to her. This weekend, we had a double celebration. My husband's birthday on Saturday and Father's Day on Sunday. We decided to celebrate it on Saturday.

My husband celebrated his 45th birthday on the 20th. We had a good day celebrating it. Although he isn't one who is particularly excited about birthdays, for the sake of our daughter he would usually obliged to singing birthday songs all day, blowing candles and all the works.

We ordered balloons from Alastegiel and it was really beautiful. Exceeded our expectations as we didn't expect it to be too big. It was perfect.

We had a nice meal at Dancing Fish. I particularly enjoyed my cumi bakar (grilled squid) and my son loved the Dancing Fish. At the end of our meal, the ever sporting waiter performed a nice rendition of the Birthday song which blew my daughter away. "Wow, he must have good vocal classes" she said. It was really over the top but it was really good.

My kids haven't seen their cousins since the New Year. They've missed them so much. On Saturday, we invited them out for dinner at Citta Mall Unique Seafood. There were 10 of us and due to the SOP, we had to split to 2 tables, which works out fine because the kids enjoyed their table and the adults can chit chat in peace. Unfortunately, the service and food was quite a disappointment. They were clearly understaffed that night and couldn't cope.

After dinner, we had a cake cutting session, which the kids absolutely loved.  What was supposed to be just 1 birthday song turned out to be 3 sessions. 1 for my husband, 1 for my niece who turned 13 in May during the lockdown and 1 for my mother in law who turned 80 in March. We couldn't celebrate all those due to the lockdown and my daughter suggested for us to sing the birthday songs 3 times. Gosh! It was havoc.

For a second there, we forgot about Covid-19. It felt like how it was during pre Covid days. It felt good. But only for a second. Then we came back to reality and remind ourselves that we shouldn't forget that this war isn't over yet and us going out twice that day was a big deal. Sigh.

My wish is for this to be over and life can go back to normal but I know it won't be for a long time.

Anywho....

We painted this together as a gift for my husband's birthday. We got him other gifts too which I think he preferred than this! ha ha ha! But this one is one to frame.

We love you Papa. Thank you for being our rock and for always putting us first. We are so blessed to have you in our lives.

Happy Father's Day to all fathers out there!